It’s Been A Minute……..

IMG_1363It’s been a minute since I’ve really had a chance to actually write. My life has changed drastically since my last post. I’ve gone through a divorce. It wasn’t an ugly one, it just left me in a place of asking Why? The only thing she told me was, “I don’t love you anymore. It’s taken me 5 years to come to this conclusion and I want a divorce.” That really threw me for a loop. Yeah, we had our problems, but I never stepped out of my marriage; meaning I’ve never lusted/thought about, had sex (in any form), or attempted to get emotionally involved with another woman. That’s what I always told myself and I lived up to it. When I got married, I wanted to it to be it. I don’t believe in divorce. I believe that if she would have opened up to me, I’m sure we could have made it work. I assume that she was tired of making it work.

One big reason I wanted my marriage to work was my parents divorced when they reached 8 years. My father used to hit my mother and talk/have sex with another woman. That’s why I wanted my marriage to work. Things started to change towards the end of 2013. I did everything I could during the first part of 2014 to make it work. Suggested taking marriage classes and/or talking to a Minister. She didn’t want anyone on the outside knowing what was going on between us. After doing everything I could, I gave her the divorce she wanted. Before I signed those papers I made it very clear that it was her that wanted this divorce. Now we are working together to raise our 2 beautiful girls. I can say that since we now divorced she seems to be a little happier. I mentioned to her that it was good to actually see her smile and her happy. I have moved past the fact that it will never work with her again. One reason is because I have it set in my mind that I wouldn’t consider a relationship again. I really don’t want to go through those same problems all over again. I am happy and don’t want to get into another relationship at this time. I don’t want go through that getting to know another person, at least not right now. Grantham University Logo

I started my quest to further my education. I am attending Grantham University to get an Associates in Computer Science. Right now I am 44% complete. This is a big step in my life. To some, an Associate’s degree isn’t that spectacular, but taking small steps is better than not taking the step at all. My classes so far have been okay. I just completed my 1 semester. Classes for my second semester start on March 11th. I will be taking English Composition I and College Algebra. I’ve already completed American Government I, Intro to Computer Applications, and a class required by the University called Student Success. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t intimidated by my next set of classes. I’m looking forward with just starting those classes.

2014 SEC Championship Game at the Georgia Dome in Atlanta, Georgia
The SEC Championship Game Final Score. Player of the Game: Blake Sims. Amari Cooper broke some SEC & Alabama records during this game.

In November of 2014 I won 2 tickets to attend the SEC Championship in Atlanta, Georgia. It was an awesome experience. When they first told me that I had won, I thought someone was playing with me or it was some type scam to get my credit card information. I finally realized it was real when they sent me a Dr. Pepper link to confirm that I really won. Other than that, I’m a student and a busy father. I decided not to coach this year, because I wanted to support my girls and give them all my attention. We will see how this goes this year. If I want to coach next year, it will be based on how this year works out. I need to get back in a groove to start writing again. I don’t want to force it, because I don’t want the blog to seem “fake.”

My Alabama Crimson Tide didn’t win the big dance this year, but it’s all good. Blake Sims did an awesome job leading that offense. It also helps to have one of the best receivers in College Football. Coach Nick Saban and Coach Lane Kiffin are 2 different coaches and have a different philosophy, but he jelled right in with the Alabama Coaching Staff. I’m looking forward to next season because I know that a lot of things are going to be changed and the team will have the right focus. Until the next post………#ROLLDAMNTIDE!

2014 SEC Championship Game in The Georgia Dome in Atlanta, Georgia
Entrance to The College Football Hall of Fame
2014 SEC Championship Game at The Georgia Dome in Atlanta, Georgia
Alabama Crimson Tide Runningbacks and Wide Receivers warming up.
2014 SEC Championship Game at The Georgia Dome in Atlanta, Georgia
Alabama Crimson Tide “Millionaire” Marching Band during Pre-game.
2014 SEC Championship Game at The Georgia Dome in Atlanta, Georgia
The Alabama Crimson Tide Offense during the 2014 SEC Championship Game.

        

 

 

My Luck Starts To Turn Around NOW!

Last week was a rough week, but I’ve been through worse. I say it was rough, because it seems that way because as soon as we start to move in a positive direction it seems as if something always pulls us back which is SO demotivating.

I do what I can to let it NOT get to me, but it’s hard when you don’t have many options. I’ve even thought about options outside of “my” box, which is not a good thing. I’m just trying to get fresh ideas, maybe I need to take a new approach at this. Maybe it’s the way I’m doing things now or maybe the way I’m not doing things? Who knows? I don’t know. I’m not going to get into all the personal specifics here, because this is definitely not the place and it’s not that serious. If it gets that bad and I need to talk about it, I’ll just call you guys. I have the majority of you guys phone numbers anyway, so don’t worry about it. It’s all good. Right now, I need to occupy my time and keep myself busy.TROLL-TIDE-2

With the start of Softball season right around corner, I’ll be all good, because I can put all my focus into coming with a game plan for the girls and making this season a successful one. I WILL succeed at this. What I will not do is treat my kids like they are my step-children. I will treat my players like they are my own children. I’m not saying I’m going to be letting them get away with murder and letting them do what the hell they want to do, but take more of a fatherly approach towards the teaching portion of it. What I didn’t like from last year, is the All-Star Coach didn’t take the time to get to know my child’s name until the 4th damn practice. That’s Ridiculous. I understand that Coaches their own ways to coach and get points across, but some things don’t aren’t that complex. All that tells me is that you don’t give a damn. I want those parents to know that while their children are under my care that they are safe and will be taken care of. I don’t want them to think that I’m a damn pedophile, but if I were a parent and I was a concerned parent paying parent to the Recreation Department, like I was last year, that’s exactly how I would feel.

That’s just an approach I like to use. It worked while I was in the military and It works on my girls (of course) and it has worked previously, so, my approach is vetted and works!

Children First, Self Second.

Screen shot 2014-03-04 at 11.25.43 PMScreen shot 2014-03-04 at 11.26.21 PMToday was the beginning of a new Softball Season in Long County. What’s crazy is that we have the talent, but every year we fail to capitalize, because “Toxic” coaches somehow infiltrate the system and forget why it is they coach, the Children.

Last year, somehow the teams were stacked with all the experienced and seasoned players on one team and the players that have never played the game on the other. Although we never beat the experienced and seasoned team, there is one thing I can say about our girls, they improved every time we played. They never improved. Our last game versus this team we almost won, but a bad call by them umpire changed the outcome of that game. At the end of the season, that coach felt he was entitled to coach the All-Star Team because of the 2 teams we had in the 10U age group, he had the most wins. Of course, since we had a new Recreation Director, he let it go. This year, that is not going to happen. During evaluations, we did grade hard, but that was our whole goal, to evaluate. We were not to coach, we are to do that once we get our team together.

We have the talent, but the parents feel that they know more than the coaches. That’s a big reason why I chose to coach this year. I gave our coaching staff last year a hard time and I felt that I could do a better job, so I will see. During the regular season, it wasn’t bad, because the coaches kept the children first, but during the All-Star portion of the season the coach all of sudden expected that the kids could coach themselves. Every practice was wasted and not used to teach or didn’t have a focus. We played 4 All-Star games and lost every single one. Our worst lost was 38-9. Instead of making adjustments, the coach just rolled with what he had. The problem just so happened to be between 2nd and 3rd Base, players from his original team. Every team we played capitalized off of that and hit into that gap almost every time at bat.

It wasn’t until our last game in the bottom of the 2nd inning, a parent with a wealth of experience made a change himself. Yes, he destroyed the power-base of the All-Star coach, but how do you think the kids felt when they were being beat 31-1? I’m glad this parent made the change, because we started to see positive results. I felt so bad for the kids. We had the talent, but if you don’t practice the right way, it’s not all of a sudden going to happen because you wish for it to happen. Not once did the All-Star coach say anything positive about the girls play, all he did was point out their mistakes. If you are down by a significant margin in the bottom of the 1st inning and you don’t make any changes, how is it the children’s fault?Screen shot 2014-03-04 at 11.27.55 PM

My goal this year is to teach the fundamentals of the game and mold each of my players into All-Stars, so when it does come down to it, it will make my decision difficult. I really believe that if we had a coach that cared about the kids last year, we could have made a lot of noise, but we embarrassed a lot parents and children. Some were so embarrassed that they are now stating that they will never play in this county again. What kind of example are you setting if all you do is point out the bad in what a child does? As a child, I know that I hated it. How about my hustle? How about my RBI or my sacrifice fly in order to put a point on the board? I’m sure that the kids don’t look that deep into the game, but me being the coach needs to pull out the positive and come up with a game plan to rid the team of all the negative plays.

Today, I saw a lot of new faces and a couple of old. Hopefully, once we get our program on the right track, the players that have gone abroad to play will eventually migrate back here. When it comes to coaching, I can be very emotional, especially if I feel that my kids aren’t being treated fairly (I feel they are my own children during that 60 minutes I have to spend with them, during practice and on game day). After the evaluations today, I see a lot of positive coming out of this program this year. The picture in this post, some people ask me why I keep it? I keep it as a reminder, it’s not about me, it’s about the children. The picture is a result of looking out for self instead of them. We will get this program back on track and will finally have parents knocking and kicking at the door to keep their kids here.

 

This is Me

JaredIn today’s Blog Post, I will give you a deeper look of myself, the man, the myth, the legend known as Jared J. Gober. A lot of you know me, but don’t really know the real me.

If you have followed this Blog from Day 1, then you already know the basic information about me. For those that do not, I’ll keep it brief, because most of this information is located on my about page. If you would like a quick snapshot of me here’s the link: http://jaredjgober.com/about/. My given name is Jared J. Gober and I was born on March 8, 1980 in Tampa, Florida. Due to my father being in the military we moved around a lot. He was a Bell UH-1 Iroquois Crew Chief, unofficially called a Huey. I don’t have many memories from the early days of my childhood. Sometimes I think that it’s a good thing, because while my parents were married, my father spent a lot of time outside the home. From countless conversations with my mother and other members of my family, he used to come home drunk and beat my mother. I’ve already done a post of my feelings toward him. It is located here: http://jaredjgober.com/2013/08/23/vi/.

My parents filed for divorce while we were stationed at Fort Benning, Georgia. At this point my father was living in the Barracks, due to the amount of times the police would had to come to our trailer we lived in which just so happened to be located off of the infamous Victory Drive. If you’re not familiar with the area, google it or if you have friends that are in the military and they have been stationed at Benning, ask them about it. After the divorce was final, my lovely father would pay child support when he felt like it, so my mother did whatever she had to do to make ends meet. That is one of the many reasons why I have a lot of resentment towards him. If he really cared about the welfare of his children then he would have done the right thing. I strive every single day to be a better man than he ever was. There is no drug, female or any other atrocity that has the ability to destroy a marriage and family, that I would choose over my wife and family. Growing up, my mother was very hard on me and my oldest sister, because she didn’t want us to show any behavior that reminded her of him.

Putting myself in her shoes, I sure I would have done the same thing. Because my mother didn’t have a full time job and my father paying child support when he felt like it, we had to move to a housing project on Baker Jared 2
Plaza Drive called EJ Knight Apartments. This housing project wasn’t that bad, but in order for my mother to be able to immediately move in, she had to settle for a 2 bedroom apartment. My brother and I shared a bed and my sister had her own twin bed. In order to play with toys, we had to store them in the storage shed located right next to our apartment. The downside to living in the EJ Knight Housing Project, it was located right across the street from the infamous Baker Village. The norm to living across from Baker Village, the Columbus PD and Ambulance were there almost every night due to a fight, shooting or someone being stabbed. The school we attended was located right up the street from the EJ Knight housing project, so walking to and from school was safe, because the Police presence was heavy. My mother didn’t mind us playing outside, but we had to be inside before the street lights came on, which was right before dusk.

It seemed every year, the crime rate would rise. My mother did have a gun (I don’t know if it was legal or not, I didn’t ask questions!), so if someone knocked at the door at night and she wasn’t expecting  anyone, the first thing the person would see was the barrel of the gun. She got tired of living like this and said that she wanted to move back home to the great state of Alabama, in the greatest city known as Enterprise. When she made the decision to move she called my Uncle, Aunt and Grandmother and they all came up, rented a U-Haul and loaded all of our belongings. My mother didn’t tell my father that we were moving, because she didn’t want him to find us. The awesome thing about moving, my mother had already found and placed a deposit for a place to move in immediately. We moved in Meadow Brook Apartment and Townhouses. This place was twice the size of the apartment we lived in while in Columbus. It was a 2 Story, 3 bedroom with a Washing Machine and Dryer hook up. While in Columbus, we always had to lug our clothes to the laundry mat located right up the street from our apartment, so having the ability to do laundry at home was awesome. Compared to the place we left, our new home seemed like a mansion. My sister currently lives in the same building, but a different Townhouse. Whenever I have the chance to visit, I’m shocked to see how small it is; however, while growing up this was our “little mansion!”

Growing up in the Great City of Enterprise, a lot different from Columbus, it was slower and not as built up as Columbus was. We did get used to the slower pace and adjusted quite quickly. My Grandmother worked at the Central Issue Facility (CIF) located on Fort Rucker, which is the Home of Army Aviation. I was fascinated with helicopters and every time I was asked what I wanted to be, I would always say a Blackhawk Helicopter Pilot. One thing I can say is that the education curriculum was a lot different so we had to play catch up, because we were so behind the rest of our peers. Growing up in Enterprise, my sister and I were sheltered. It was crazy. I wasn’t allowed to have a girlfriend or even talk to them on the phone. Once I got to High School, I did find a girlfriend, but I had to hide it. She was in the band and a memory I will never forget, it was after a football and as we walked to the band room, we held hands. Once I arrived to the band room, I put my tuba up and waited for my girlfriend. We then walked out of the band room together, I gave her a hug and a kiss, but guess who was in the parking lot waiting for me? My Aunt and Mother. My mother asked who she was and I said she was just a friend. Immediately, they both stated that friends don’t kiss each other.

Jared 1Whenever we got in trouble, our punishment was calling my uncle. He came over that following day, which was a Saturday, he and I walked outside, sat down on the steps in front of our Townhouse and he asked me how long her and I had been “courting” and I told him that we had been girlfriend and boyfriend for approximately 5 months. He asked me why I was hiding it so I told him that if my mother found out she would give me a whipping. Yes, I received whippings until the day I left for basic training. After our conversation, we walked inside and my Uncle called my mother into the living room, we all sat down and my Uncle and asked my mother why can I have a girlfriend? She said she was ready to be a Grandmother. In front of my mother, he asked if I was having sex and I said no, which was the truth. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 19 while I was in Advanced Individual Training (AIT). After talking to my mother, she reluctantly said that she would allow me to have a girlfriend, but if I was having sex and my girlfriend became pregnant, she would kick me out of the house. She then stated that she didn’t like the fact my girlfriend lived right across the street from the band practice field. This is something that I never told my mother, but I would go to her house after school during marching season, because it was easier than going all the way home, then it would take nearly calling the President for me to get a ride back to band practice, because we didn’t have a car. You might not believe me, but I can truthfully say, the closest we came to having sex, was making out, hunching and touching each others goods.

I realize today’s post is quite lengthly, but I felt in order to let you in on another piece of my life, this was the only way. My goal with my girls is to not be as strict as my mother was on me and my wife feels the same, because during her childhood and growing into a teenager, it was very turbulent. Just because we aren’t a strict as our parents were, doesn’t mean that we allow them to do what they want. We love our girls to death and are willing to go through hell and high-water to make sure they have what they need and they are taken care of. Our first priority, as far as our children goes, is their needs. They are very well behaved and it doesn’t take us being like our parents to instill traits such as integrity, moral courage and hard work. We have our challenges, but we get through this together, as a family. Maybe if my parents would have stayed together and my father had put his family as his first priority, maybe my life would have been a lot different. Who knows?

I didn’t mean to bombard you with all this information to bore you and put you to sleep, but I wanted to give you a no bullshit look into my life. I hope that I accomplished that. If not and you have some constructive Blackhawk Jaredcriticism and I open to whatever your suggestion is. Again, THIS IS ME, THE LEADER OF THE REGULARS.

 

 

#ROLLDAMNTIDE!