восемьдесят пять

Last week was a really bad week for me and my family mentally and emotionally. It got to the point that I felt numb and didn’t want to do anything. Feeling depressed is not a good feeling. I am doing better today. With all that has happened to me, I will do my best to make this post amusing, but it will be the truth. Alright, lets give it a try.

Hi, my name is Jared and I have a problem. I am an addict. I am addicted to Sprite. I really don’t know when it started, but before I started this Sprite addiction, I didn’t care what type of carbonated drink I drank. It’s to the point now that if I get up in the middle of the night and go to the refrigerator and there isn’t one in there, I am willing to drive 8 miles down the road to get a 20 oz. that costs $1.69! Crazy right? It gets better. One day my wife asked me to go to IGA, a small supermarket in our large metropolis of a city. I walked in and the first thing I see is a 1.25 liter Sprite for 88 cents. Man I thought I was going to lose my mind. I was like I’m paying damn near $2.00 for 20 ounces when there is a 42.2 ounce drink out there for 88 cents? Man, I wanted to jump out of my body and slap myself!

I bought 8 of them and whatever my wife sent me to the store for. I don’t know what’s going on now, the price went up to 99 cents now, but hey it’s still a damn deal. I know you are reading this and thinking that if you’re an addict then you would do anything to have a Sprite, umm that’s a muthafuckin big ass NEGATIVE! I will not sacrifice my integrity or my morals for a damn soda or pop for the Yankees out there. I just really like to drink it. The thing that sucks is, it’s so big that if I’m at a stop light and I want to take a sip, I get strange looks, but I don’t care. I just give them a friendly smile. Another disadvantage to the 42.2 ounce drink is that it gets warm quick. I ain’t drinking a warm sprite homie. I do my best to drink it, but I’m not going to sit there and drink a sprite all day. I can’t especially with coaching. I have to stay hydrated with some good ol’ H2O.

In the case that a sprite gets warm I either put it back in the refrigerator and get a new one or pour it out. What’s weird is that if I don’t have an Un-opened Sprite, it’s hard for me to drink the one that I put back in the refrigerator because it just doesn’t have the fizz I like. Weird Right? I know. It’s all good though. I have recognized that I have a problem and right now I don’t want to stop drinking this delicious drink. The other day, I tried to drink a Coke and I couldn’t do it. I realize that Sprite is a product of The Coca-Cola Company, but I would much rather have a Sprite over a Coke. Don’t get me wrong I know that I shouldn’t be drinking soda all the time, I know I get it. I hear it from 3 wonderful ladies I live with so I don’t need to hear it here.

I am going to organize a S.A.M. (Sprite Anonymous Meeting) here in the near future. If you also have a Sprite addiction, you are welcomed to attend. Here is the S.A.M. Pledge:

I, Jared Gober (Insert Your Name Here) will do my best to take it one day at a time to get through this addiction. I am not afraid to say that I have a problem. I will do whatever I need to do to rid myself of this addiction. I am Responsible When Anyone, Anywhere Reaches Our For Help I Want The Hand of S.A.M. to Always Be There. And For That I Am Responsible!

Okay, let me address this issue, because I know some of you will not find this funny because there are people out there that have addictions that can kill them. I AM IN NO WAY POKING FUN AT THEM OR ANY OTHER ORGANIZATION OF THAT SORT. People please realize that this is just for me to get a laugh and get my mind off of the problems that I am dealing with. If you can’t understand that then you really need to stop reading my blogs or get some help yourself. This is my Blog, so I can write about what the hell I want, but sometimes people take things too far or out of context. If you think you fit in that category, then go else where and take your shoes off and walk over broken glass and roll around in hot coals.

(**No Copyright Infringement Intended** Photo Credit: The Coca-Cola Company**)