A look into the world of the “Wright” & Wrong

Today’s Blog was written by a good friend that I consider family. Her name is Rhodonna Wright. You can feel her joy and pain through her words. This is a very personal subject to her and it took her a lot of courage to welcome the world into hers. Thank you for giving us your story.

WorldHey everybody, I am not really a private person, but what Im about to share is really personal, I’m not doing this for attention, but im gonna let you in my world, so that maybe, just maybe, one person will listen, and either leave, or get help…..My mother RIP, stayed with my father for many years, while living a lie in public, my father was an alcoholic in active addiction for years until I was about 18…..my whole young life I witnessed arguing, fighting, yelling, screaming, and crying, thankfully alcohol didnt affect my father in the way that it does most people, most people become violent, but my dad wanted to argue all the time…when he was sober, he was the nicest sweetest, kindest man you would ever meet, but when he drank, it was awful…many times I witnessed my father drunk on the ground outside, and there was my mom, telling him to get up, because he had to be to work in three hours…drunk in the stairwell in Germany passed out, because he had gotten so drunk, he couldnt walk, my mom would leave him there, but eventually would go outside, get him inside and he would pass out , and then he would wake up, go to work somehow, and come home and do it again…I am not saying this to bash my father, im telling you the painful honest truth…my father stopped drinking when I was 17, went to rehab, because my mom, had started going to Al Anon , and learned how to detatch, and told him that after 18 years of marriage, she was gonna leave, that was enough for him, except for a brief one day relapse in 1980, he hasnt drank since, Praise God, and my mother and father stayed married until the day she died in December of 1990……. I followed this upbringing by repeating the pattern, no I didnt become an alcoholic, but I got involved with men, that all had issues of some kind….sex addiction, alcoholism, and drug addiction….some people call me stupid, thats okay, because im far from it, but this issue and disease, is called codependency……

It is a disease because as my friend Dennis Reed, says, your body and mind are in a state of disease….not only that, but after being raised in toxcicity for 18 years, unless you get help for your problem, its very rare that you come out of it unscathed, now some of you, and I can almost guarantee the ones that will disagree, will say that what Im saying is nonsense, and thats fine, you are entitled to your opinion, but if you get on this post and say that the people that stay can leave but dont leave, and whatever happens is their fault, it’s the truth, because what you allow, will continue, but these people are already damaged, and don’t believe themselves worthy of real love…….please don’t be insensitive, because your comment will only be seen by me, and will be promptly deleted…..I repeated the same mistakes that my mother did, seeking out, unknowingly, people that I thought I could fix, thinking that my love was so great, that I could save them, but I couldnt, and only now, after going to meetings and reading and educating myself, and LEARNING how to set up boundaries, and NOT ACCEPTING less than what I deserve, do I see my past mistakes….you see people that dont get help for this, dont understand that leaving the addict, abuser, or drug, alcohol or person, yes I said PERSON, that you are addicted to will improve their life, they either think that they will not survive without their crutch, or that the person, no matter how abusive, or the drug no matter how much it destroys your life, that you or they will not be able to live without their addiction of choice….i was married for 17 years to a chronic cheater, who was so addicted to sex, that he made me have sex with him after my mothers funeral, and then left me to be by myself, when he went to his girlfriends house….people will say how did he MAKE you do that, manipulation, in the guise of him comforting me after my mothers death….then I was with another person who went back and forth to prison, I was there for him for 5 years , until he got off parole and turned into a raging crackhead, that relationship ended with him breaking into my housen jumping on top of me, and beating me, while my children tried to get him off of me, I put him in jail, and walked away from him, still loving him, and wondering what I had done wrong.

right-way-wrong-way1I followed this up with worst relationship of all, and stayed there for ten years, but this man was soo different, my husband was highly intelligent, but not like this man, I fell in love with his mind, and then found out shortly thereafter that he too was an addict and alcoholic, did I leave?????? NOOOO, because again, I craved love sooooo much, that again, I thought that my love was enough and that I could save an addict from the throes of HIS addiction, again, I butted my head against the wall, crying arguing, fighting, the problem was that he made me feel so good when he wasnt high, he was good to my kids, and eventually grandkids, I stayed with him through over 30 stays in REHAB, always believing the promises that he would change……everybody that knows me, even his friends wanted me to leave him, but I was sooooo addicted to him, that I couldnt….I put myself through so much that I had to learn how to forgive myself, eventually this relationship ended, and it was one of the hardest things that I ever went through….Now for all of you that say I was a fool, yes I was, for all of you that say I was stupid for staying, yes I was, but after I finally got out of the toxic relationship, I finally began to grow, mentally I am stronger now than i have EVER been in my life, I conquered depression, low self esteem, self loathing, and the loss of what I considered to be the love of my life, and I am STILL HERE…. I was hateful to myself, filled with rage all of the time, always wanted to argue, always had to be right, and have the last word, until I learned to love myself, and not to accept bad behavior… i finally LISTENED instead of TALKING, I learned how to RESPOND, instead of REACT, and I LEARNED how to walk away from anything that DOES NOT SERVE ME WELL……

People that are stuck in violent abusive realtionships, usually have experienced a lot of the things that I have….and feel that they dont deserve better, it doesnt make it right, but it is the truth….most people like me need anger management, but ive managed through prayer, educating myself, and listening instead of talking, that I NEVER WILL BE IN AN ABUSIVE, PHYSICALLY,OR MENTALLY, RELATIONSHIP EVER, EVER AGAIN…..FOR THE FAMILY OF NIKKI FARR, YOU WILL PROBABLY NEVER READ THIS, BUT I AM SO AFFECTED BY YOUR LOSS, EVEN WITH HER EX, BEING HER EX, IT STILL DIDNT STOP HIM…….. THIS SITUATION BROUGHT ALL OF THIS TO THE SURFACE, THE ABUSE, MENTAL, PHYSICAL, THE CHEATING, ….PEOPLE IF THAT MAN HAS EVER SAID THAT HE WILL KILL YOU….BELIEVE IT….IF HE CHEATS, HE DOESNT VALUE YOU, IF HE LIES, HE DOESNT RESPECT YOU, IF HE HITS YOU, PUT HIS ASS IN JAIL….I WAS WHERE ANY WOMAN THAT HAS BEEN ABUSED, IS RIGHT NOW, TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE, BEFORE ITS TOO LATE…..YOU COULD END UP LIKE NIKKI, OR YOU CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE IN PAIN, LIKE I DID, PUSHING EVERYBODY AWAY, HURTING MYSELF, BY DISREPECTING MYSELF, ALL THIS AND IVE NEVER DONE DRUGS, DONT HARDLY EVER DRINK, AND DONT SMOKE……MY CRIME WAS LOVING SOMEONE ELSE,TOO MUCH, AND NOT LOVING MYSELF UNTIL NOW……RIP NIKKI….GONE TOO SOON….

 

(Not to take away from her story, today I walked 6.58 miles!!)

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