Quatre-Vingt-Dix-Huit

I’m not sure if there are other Bloggers out there that need to have a certain “ambiance” going on for them to create. Well, I do. Trying to be high-class? No, I don’t think so. (Truthfully I couldn’t figure out how to spell boo-shee, or another way for being an asshole and snob at the same time.) In order for me to “create” I need some good music, a Sprite, depending on the temperature in the house (ceiling fan on high, medium or off) and an Alabama Crimson Tide Hat. I can’t wear the same one every time I write. I don’t know why that is, it’s just my way to create. If you don’t like it or find it weird, I don’t care!

Today I feel the need to talk about a subject that is very sensitive to me. I want to talk about my relationship between myself and my wife. As I said in my previous post, that I wasn’t going to hold anything back. I met my wife in 2002 and fell for her as soon as I saw her. Looks can be deceiving. At the time I was thinking with my head in my pants instead of the one between my shoulders; by saying that I’m not saying there is anything wrong with her, I just should have slowed my role and took things a little slower. The reason why I say that is because we have learned a hell of a lot in the 11 years we have known each other. The very first year of being married, all I wanted to do was hang out with my boys and be a mack. As long as the sex was good at the crib, I didn’t have to go anywhere else. Until this day, I have not stepped out of bounds. I haven’t had a reason to. I’m laying it all out on the line and being 100% truthful with you all. I have no reason why I need to lie. I won’t lie, that I have thought about it, but being married to a Puerto Rican that is not really stable, stepping out isn’t a good idea.

Halle Berry could be naked on my bed READY for me to do my thang, but fellas, I would have to turn it down. I’m sure that once I got 75-80 years old, I would be saying what a dumbass I was, but that’s besides that point. Marriage is a covenant that a man and a woman make before God. Real quick, a covenant is a contract, agreement, undertaking,commitment, guarantee, warrant, pledge, promise, bond, indenture; pact, deal, settlement, arrangement, understanding that TWO individuals are making before the Almighty. Keep this in mind. A lot of us, because we are human, forget about that part. We say I do, do the nasty, start to run into issues and all of sudden forget about the promise we made before GOD and immediately start talking about divorce. I am guilty of it also, but the person that I made the covenant with 11 and half almost 12 years ago, we are still together. It means that much to me. I am not going to sit here and try to make me seem like I have been the perfect husband, because I am a MAN. Men are stupid individuals. Yeah, I said it. We are quickly to forget stuff.

You told her you were with Scott last week, then she mentions how much fun you and Scott had and you slip up and say, “I wasn’t with Scott last weekend.” As soon as the d in weekend leaves your mouth, your mind goes crazy. You’re caught. There is nothing that you can do to make it better. You’ve lost that trust. Trust to a woman is something that takes ages to regain. It doesn’t matter how you lost that trust, you will work for the rest of your life trying to get it back. Either way, there is nothing you can say or do to regain that trust. It takes time. You could have a 24 hour reality show taping your life, but somehow, they were able to edit some stuff out. Once you have lost that trust, it will take you until your last breathe to regain that trust. So why do we as men continue to put ourselves in these situations? Because, Men are Stupid. Yep, I said it. It’s true and there is nothing that can be said that will change my mind. I’m a stupid man. I will admit that. That’s a trait that is encoded into my DNA. Sorry, it will never be changed.

I said all that to say this. As much as it hurts to tell the truth, you will be better off telling the truth, than your spouse finding out from a slip of the tongue or video surveillance. Let’s start making it easier on ourselves fellas. We can do this. It might take 1 hour at a time, but we can do this. Any progress is good progress.

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7 thoughts on “Quatre-Vingt-Dix-Huit

  1. Well said men are stupid lol specially me that with this injury I’ll forget shit real quickly lol but just as you brother man I love my wife and of course my kids God bless them anyways I miss you bro and hopefully we can meet again in the near future but in the mean time tell your wife to practice Spanish cause that’s all my wife knows even tho I bought her Rosetta Stone lol

    1. Will do Brother. I need to tell my wife to tighten up on her damn spanish, she is slipping. She has to ask her dad to repeat stuff or slow down when he says it. I love you brother. It means a lot to have a person such as you in my corner. You have been my Brother since the day we met. Thank you for everything that you’ve done for me man.

  2. Jared J. Gober, for going on 15 years (up until we found one another again), I have wondered how my best guy friend, the one who I secretly crushed on thru high school turned out. I wondered if you were doing well and if you finally found the one who would love, honor, and cherish you the way I knew you would her. I thought about what if moments, or somehow accidentally running into you in a mall or at a gas station somewhere in the US. To see you speak of your wife, your woman with that much respect and in the same breath admit your faults as a man. Makes me thank God keep hope alive that there are men out there just like you. Trust is a virtue that a woman holds close to her heart. That is one key aspect that she gives as a bonus when she gives her heart. To cast a shadow on the trust a woman has is like hurricane brewing in the gulf. You don’t know how much damage it will cause until it lands! Thank you for being a guiding light on this topic, because a good soulmate, life mate isn’t hard to find….they are hard to keep.

  3. Wow, Jared. How did you know I was feeling unloved and not very trusting today? This blog came at the perfect time and you give me hope for my marriage–and for me to calm down a bit. Thank you for this post. Also, Alicia–your comment was right on the mark. Thank you too!

    1. Shelbi, I guess we are on the same wave length, because when I feel a certain way or need some type of uplifting I can always find it through your words! I look forward to every single Post you compose. Thank you for your kind words. I said them because I know the feeling all too well. I know the feeling of no being loved and not being trusted. I hate them both, but I strive every single day to make some progress whether it be an inch or a mile. It won’t and can’t happen overnight. It takes work, but that is work I am willing to put in.

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