Today’s subject is a sensitive one for me. I have been going back and forth with myself about this issue. The issue is, when is the right time to talk to my girls about the “birds & the bees.” I have no idea. My wife wants to wait until they are older, but I disagree. Why I disagree is because they are already having conversations about it in school.
Last year, my youngest daughter was caught looking at some inappropriate stuff on her personal computer. How it all went down was, I hadn’t said goodnight to her so I went back to her room to say it. As soon as I stepped in the room she slammed her computer shut. I was like what was that for, she replied I did it because I was ready to go to bed. Then the investigative parent that I am, I told her to give me the computer so I could see what she was looking at. Once I saw what it was I asked her what she was looking at and why? She told me that it was a popup and she was trying to click it off and didn’t want me to see it. I shrugged it off and cleared it from the screen and made sure that the settings on her computer was set that she couldn’t look at that stuff. Well, to my surprise, they were off. I asked her did she turn the safe setting off and she said no. In a calm voice, also telling her that I wouldn’t get mad, I asked her again, did she mess with the settings and she replied with a confident no.
I walked out and asked her mother did she adjust the safe searching setting on her computer and she said no. My wife was half asleep when she said this. I walked back and asked her to tell me the truth and she promised that she hadn’t messed with the settings. I asked her if she had been looking at some things that she was not supposed to? She replied no. I’m not a computer expert, but what she didn’t know is that I could check the history of what she’s been looking at. Let’s just say that I found a lot of things that she wasn’t supposed to be looking at. A LOT of “Grown Folks” stuff. She is now hysterical and this wakes up her mother. I take the computer to her mother and showed her what she had been looking at. My wife suggested that it was just a popup, then she opened up the history. She went back 6 months to see what she was looking at and she had been searching for certain stuff.
I almost lost my mind, but I didn’t, because I had to be the calm parent, because my wife transformed in to a creature I have never seen before. She was livid. We took her computer away from her and now that she is on the computer located in the living room, she is monitored. I don’t blame it on her, I blame myself for not checking in the first place. That’s why I asked in the beginning of this post when is the right time to talk to them about sex. With the stuff she was looking at, I really don’t need to tell her anything.
Once my wife calmed down and left the room, I went back in there and sat down and asked her why she was so curious about that stuff? She said, that her friends at school talk about it and she didn’t know what they were talking about and she wanted to know. I asked her why didn’t she just come to me or her mother? It just wasn’t innocent peeks at stuff, she was googling and on wikipedia looking for specific things of a sexual nature. This was hard for me to deal with. We still haven’t had a real talk to her about it, but we are planning to very soon. What I am struggling with is should I talk to her about it or wait? I don’t want her to continue to hear stuff from her friends and start experimenting. My wife and I haven’t really talked about it, but we agreed to do it soon.
What do you guys think? This issue has me stuck between a rock and a hard place. I need some feedback from my friends on this one. As a REGULAR Dad, I don’t want to talk to her about it then she goes out and does it, but I don’t want her to go out and do it then me find out later. At this point I am clueless. Any suggestions will be taken into consideration. Help me Please?!!